{"id":12391,"date":"2018-07-27T10:46:43","date_gmt":"2018-07-27T09:46:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/?p=12391"},"modified":"2018-08-02T20:54:16","modified_gmt":"2018-08-02T19:54:16","slug":"how-to-be-a-dick-for-dummies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/index.php\/2018\/07\/how-to-be-a-dick-for-dummies\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Be A Dick &#8211; For Dummies"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Ever wanted to be a certified Dick?<\/p>\n<p>Well today is your lucky day, because today we are going to show you step by step, how easy it is for you to become a &#8230;DICK!<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>Firstly, it is essential that you change your christian name to Richard:<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/BH1NAwwKtcg\" width=\"700\" height=\"500\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>2.\u00a0 Always tell people that you are 25 (for around the next 30yrs usually works best)<\/p>\n<p>3.\u00a0 Make sure you are always too scared to leave home, and stay living with Mummy and Daddy until they either a) Pass away and you get evicted by the brewery, or b) Throw you out and tell you to try and live like a normal adult. Here is a famous Dick still living with his Mummy and Daddy:<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/pastebin.com\/VCCvg4j1\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Richard Swann<\/a><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-12394\" src=\"http:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/Screenshot-from-2018-07-27-09.31.11-744x188.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"744\" height=\"188\" srcset=\"https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/Screenshot-from-2018-07-27-09.31.11-744x188.png 744w, https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/Screenshot-from-2018-07-27-09.31.11-420x106.png 420w, https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/Screenshot-from-2018-07-27-09.31.11-768x194.png 768w, https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/Screenshot-from-2018-07-27-09.31.11.png 1004w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 744px) 100vw, 744px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-12395\" src=\"http:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/Screenshot-from-2018-07-27-09.26.37-744x521.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"744\" height=\"521\" srcset=\"https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/Screenshot-from-2018-07-27-09.26.37-744x521.png 744w, https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/Screenshot-from-2018-07-27-09.26.37-420x294.png 420w, https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/Screenshot-from-2018-07-27-09.26.37-768x537.png 768w, https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/Screenshot-from-2018-07-27-09.26.37-1200x840.png 1200w, https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/Screenshot-from-2018-07-27-09.26.37.png 1266w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 744px) 100vw, 744px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>3. Be sure you are photogenic:<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1125\" src=\"http:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/Rich-bare-chest.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"90\" height=\"90\" \/><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-768\" src=\"http:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Look-son-it-s-Rich.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Look-son-it-s-Rich.jpg 640w, https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/Look-son-it-s-Rich-420x263.jpg 420w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1023\" src=\"http:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/02\/Rich-and-his-mr-ed.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"664\" height=\"323\" srcset=\"https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/02\/Rich-and-his-mr-ed.jpg 664w, https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/02\/Rich-and-his-mr-ed-420x204.jpg 420w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 664px) 100vw, 664px\" \/><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1068\" src=\"http:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/NorthernMonkey-r.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"449\" height=\"420\" srcset=\"https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/NorthernMonkey-r.jpg 449w, https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/NorthernMonkey-r-420x393.jpg 420w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 449px) 100vw, 449px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>4.\u00a0 Be sure to apply for X-Factor or Britains Got Talent&#8230;just to show off your vocal chords:<\/p>\n\n<div data-mode=\"normal\" data-provider=\"html5\" id=\"arve-html5-\" style=\"max-width:550px;\" class=\"arve aligncenter\">\n\t<div class=\"arve-inner\">\n\t\t<div class=\"arve-embed\">\n\t\t\t<video class=\"arve-video fitvidsignore\" controls controlslist=\"nodownload nofullscreen noremoteplayback\" data-arve=\"arve-html5-\" onloadstart=\"this.volume=1\" preload=\"metadata\"><source type=\"video\/mp4\" src=\"https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/media\/dicky%20for%20x-factor.mp4#t=0.1\"><\/video>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\n\t<\/div>\n\t\n\t\n\t<script type=\"application\/ld+json\">{\"@context\":\"http:\\\/\\\/schema.org\\\/\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ukmuppets.co.uk\\\/index.php\\\/2018\\\/07\\\/how-to-be-a-dick-for-dummies\\\/#arve-html5-\",\"type\":\"VideoObject\",\"contentURL\":\"https:\\\/\\\/ukmuppets.co.uk\\\/media\\\/dicky%20for%20x-factor.mp4\"}<\/script>\n\t\n<\/div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>5. To be a top notch Dick, it&#8217;s imperative that you only date the most gorgeous ladies out there:<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-3781\" src=\"http:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/itskrissy-fat-744x506.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"744\" height=\"506\" srcset=\"https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/itskrissy-fat-744x506.png 744w, https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/itskrissy-fat-420x285.png 420w, https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/itskrissy-fat-768x522.png 768w, https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/itskrissy-fat.png 1074w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 744px) 100vw, 744px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-9554\" src=\"http:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/itskrissy-looking-slimmer.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"591\" height=\"375\" srcset=\"https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/itskrissy-looking-slimmer.png 591w, https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/itskrissy-looking-slimmer-420x266.png 420w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 591px) 100vw, 591px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1042\" src=\"http:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/Rich-and-his-ugly-duckling.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"664\" height=\"323\" srcset=\"https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/Rich-and-his-ugly-duckling.jpg 664w, https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/Rich-and-his-ugly-duckling-420x204.jpg 420w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 664px) 100vw, 664px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>6.\u00a0 Last but not least, always remember, it&#8217;s not easy being an official Dick. But once you get there, there is no coming back. Once a Dick, always a Dick!<\/p>\n<p><strong>*Image Courtesy Of Shawnio:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-12399\" src=\"http:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/shawnio-pic-of-rich.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"306\" height=\"320\" \/><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-4471\" src=\"http:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/John-eyes_99-165_2nd_optimized.gif\" alt=\"\" width=\"240\" height=\"220\" \/><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ever wanted to be a certified Dick? Well today is your lucky day, because today we are going to show you step by step, how easy it is for you to become a &#8230;DICK! Firstly, it is essential that you change your christian name to Richard: 2.\u00a0 Always tell people that you are 25 (for&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":12400,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[270],"tags":[3103,205,1768,58,1757,3102,1763,3101,337],"class_list":["post-12391","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ukmuppets","tag-cockhead","tag-dick","tag-dicky","tag-ivlog","tag-northernmonkey","tag-rich","tag-richard-swann","tag-richardd","tag-vaughnlive-tv"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12391","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12391"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12391\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12400"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12391"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12391"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ukmuppets.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12391"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}